It’s like asking which Menendez brother you prefer.
—Joan Rivers, when asked which presidential candidate she is supporting

Does everyone in New York have a pad like this, or just Republicans?
—Karl Rove, arriving at a fund-raiser at the Sutton Place home of Aurelian chairman Bill Reilly

I’m a feminist. I do my goddess work. But I look at Ann Coulter and think, That’s why women shouldn’t work.
—Margaret Cho, appearing at the Apollo Theater

I have to go talk to my girlfriend now.
—Mayor Bloomberg, when asked about gay marriage by a guest at WCBS political reporter Andrew Kirtzman’s party

You’re playing softball while people are dying in Iraq?! We should send the softball players to Iraq!
—Protester, encroaching on the outfield of a permitted softball game on Central Park’s Great Lawn

This administration really has not been kind to Hollywood, and no one wants to come out in support of that. They’ll lose their career.
—Actor Giancarlo Esposito, on celebrities endorsing the GOP

We call upon Yale president Richard C. Levin to release the Cheerleading Squad archives so the people can learn whether Bush’s varsity letter was justly awarded.
—Cheerleadersfortruth.com

Umbrellas—especially the big golf-type ones— could be used in an improper way as a weapon.
—Ann Roman, Secret Service spokeswoman

Related:

• Archive: “Features”
• Table of Contents: September 1, 2004 issue of New York | Subscribe!